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2nd Job Search - 1 month mark

Oct 16, 2016

Well, everyone says the 2nd job search is much easier than the 1st one.

I agree to disagree. The better part is that I have acutlly something to say about what I've done. Even better part is that when I read POODR, now I understand what it mean by using 'attr_accesor', scalable design and pattern. There are definitely more 'aha moments' and understanding my weakness. There are definintely worst part. I frustrated more when I failed the technical interview. It made me deeply disappointed by myself and doubt my ability. Here are list of my better and worse list of 2nd job search compare with the first one

Better Part

  • Have more to say about programming experience
  • Better understanding on basic concepts. POODR makes much better sense now than before
  • Better understanding on my pattern, learning style and good/bad habits
  • Overall better understanding of myself. (Perhaps this is because I am older than last year)

    • Worse Part

  • I feel like although I am not oppose to be a front-end developer, it seem like I am getting less invitation for a front-end developer positions. Is it because I was back-end developer??
  • Same as other opportunities like QA, Support and Sales Engineer position. Those used to be much easier for me to get at least initial phone screening.
  • Some what more uncertain that I will get a job again. I got the first job through a referral. Am I never going to get a job on my own?
  • Still I am suck at algorithm questions.
  • Don't have many friends who are looking for a job.
  • Doubt that I will have as good job as the first one.
  • Disappointments after failing technical interviews.

    • I feel like walking endless desert or tunnel without light but somewhat I am sensing the direction. It's not all horrifying and terrible. I am still hopeful and trying tho. I am just hoping that this journey is shorter than the first one. Good night kids!

    My current status

    Nov 10, 2016

    It's been 2 months. I had some busy week and some not. This week has been real quiet. I had one onsite two weeks ago and a couple of phone interviews, coding challenges and now back to ground. No lead. My energe level is low, motivation level is low and happness level is very low.

    I am lost.

    I am not at all confident that I will get a job.

    I am not at all confident that I will be happy again.

    I am not at all confident that I will be survive.

    I am lost.

    I don't understand what to make out of this situation.

    I have no one to talk to and I don't want to talk to anyone.

    I am so lonely and sad but don't know how to turn around.

    I have no purpose, joy or reasons in life. I just survive and exist.